How To Become A Better Equestrian

#10. Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don't pick it up right
away. Shout, "Get Off, Stupid! GET OFF!"

#9. Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "relaxing into the
fall." Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.

#8. Learn to grab your checkbook and write out a $200 check without
even looking down.

#7. Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot. Go ahead and
tell the neighbors what you are doing - they might as well know now.

#6. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice
pulling to a halt, smile as if you are having fun.

#5. Hone your fibbing skills: "See, moving hay bales is FUN!"
and, "No, really, I'm glad YOUR LUCKY performance and multimillion
dollar horse won the class. I am just thankful that MY HARD WORK and
actual ability won me second place".

#4. Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms
paralyzed to the shoulder and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a
frisky horse.

#3. Borrow the US Army's slogan: Be All That You Can Be -- bitten,
thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled, frozen...

#2. Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most expensive riding
clothes and repeat to yourself, "This is a learning experience, this
is a learning experience, this is..."

#1. THE NUMBER ONE EXERCISE TO BECOME A BETTER EQUESTRIAN:
Remember, its never the horse's fault.